How did I even realize what are boundaries all about?
Signs of having poor Boundaries
- I felt burned out totally-exhausted to the core of everything and everyone around
- I often found that people take advantage of me or use my emotions for their own gain?
- I was constantly having to “save” people close to me and fix their problems all the time?
- I found myself sucked into pointless fighting or debating regularly?
- I found myself far more invested or attracted to a person than I should be, for the time that I’ve known them?
- In my relationships, does it feel like things are always either amazing or horrible with no in-between? Or perhaps I was even going through the break-up/reunion pattern every few months?
- I was the one telling people how much I hate drama, but seem to always be stuck in the middle of it, myself?
- I spent a lot of time defending myself, for things that I believed weren’t my fault?
- Feeling guilty of spending time for myself
- Saying ‘Yes’ when I wanted to say ‘No’
- Fear of what would people think of me
What are Boundaries:
Taking responsibility of your own actions and emotions, and not taking ownership of that of others
There are people who tend to take too much responsibility of others’ actions and emotions and there are people who expect others to take responsibility of their own actions and emotions. Such people find it difficult to maintain boundaries
Reasons for having poor boundaries:
Low Self esteem
Lack of Self identity
Co- dependency in a relationship—need for love and affection
Urge to Merge
Comfort from being the Victim
Fear of Letting go
Benefits of having strong boundaries
Improved Emotional health
Better and fulfilment in relationships
Laying Clear expectations for others
Increased self-care and self-love
Gaining respect from others and raised self esteem
Promotes autonomy
Decreased stress
Peace of mind
Wards off burn out
How can you actually do that?
Examine your existing boundaries
Acknowledge what you gain by setting boundaries – set reasonable consequences
Start with small adjustments -Define your Priorities and thereby your boundaries
Accept the change yourself first
Pay attention to your needs
Communicate directly, clearly and often of required for reinforcement
Learn to say ‘NO’ whenever you ‘Need’ to and Say ‘Yes’ only when you ‘Wish’ to
Practice self- compassion and self- care
Stick to your boundaries and be consistent
Always remember-“To each its own”
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